COPYWRITING THAT HITS HARDER THAN THAT 2nd SCOOP OF PRE-WORKOUT

Copywriter. word magician.
secret weapon.

What I really want to be called is... your copywriter.

WM_Brand Mark_Sparkle_White on Transparent
WM_Brand Mark_Sparkle_White on Transparent
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Converting copy isn’t just WORDs on a page

It’s a rebellious mix of strategy, sass and psychology that makes your dream clients stop scrolling, pay attention, and click that juicy little button.

While everyone else is out here writing “meh,” I’m over here crafting copy that turns heads, opens wallets, and sparks inbox confessions like: “Omg, your copy made me BUY without thinking twice!”

Yeah. That’s the goal.

NEED COPY FAST?

I move faster than a toddler with a Sharpie.

With my Quantum Copy Method™, I’ll whip up your website copy, email funnels, sales pages, or launch content in days—not months. (Because your business deserves momentum, not a six-month waitlist.)

You Bring the Vision. I’ll Bring the Words That Sell It.

✨ Websites that make people think, “Shut up and take my money.”
✨ Email funnels that slide into inboxes smoother than a DM from your ex (but with WAY better results).
✨ Sales pages that don’t scream “I’m trying to sell you something,” but still… sell the heck out of your thing.

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Copy magic used by

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"BUT CRYSTAL - WHAT'S THE INVESTMENT?"

IF YOU're asking that, you're thinking too small.
this isn't just copy.

quantum copywriting method

It’s the words that’ll:
💸 Fill your programs.
💸 Book out your calendar.
💸 Sell your offers while you’re sipping lattes in Bali.

Investment? Custom-quoted because your business isn’t one-size-fits-all.

But I can promise this: It’ll cost less than bad copy that doesn’t convert.

No Pressure. No Awkward Pitches.

JUST US TALKING ABOUT HOW TO MAKE YOUR WORDS WORK HARDER THAN YOU DO.

WHY HIRE ME?

Besides the fact that I’m a 4x NYT Bestselling Ghostwriter with a knack for turning words into cash-generating confetti?

Because I:
🔥 Know how to make your voice louder, bolder, & unapologetically YOU.
🔥 Write copy that feels like a conversation, not a sales pitch.
🔥 Obsess over conversions like it’s my part-time hobby.

your copy's not just words.

It's sales in disguise.

Ready to ditch the “meh” and get some copy that actually works?

Book Your Call Now — because every day you wait, your dream clients are hiring someone else. (Ouch. That stings, doesn’t it? Let’s fix it.)

(because I know you’re tired of waiting to get your copy done!)

Crystalize (Ha!) Your Copy & Make Copy Your B*Tch!

Marketing Made Simple, Sassy, And Successful—In Just 5 Minutes A Week!

Tired of staring at a blank page and waiting for inspiration that never shows? Ready to turn your marketing from a chore into pure delight?

Welcome to Make Copy Your B*tch!—the no-nonsense, all-fun way to level up your marketing game. Get ready to receive a weekly dose of word magic straight to your inbox, designed to transform your business from “meh” to magical.

Why wait?
Sign up, and let’s make your copy work as hard as you do.

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Quantum Copy Method

The Cheat Code For Copy That Converts… Instantly!

Tired of copy that falls flat? Ready to crack the code that makes your words not just talk, but sell? Welcome to the Quantum Copy Method—your secret weapon for writing copy that connects, captivates, and converts like magic.

Quantum Copy Queen
  • Rule-Breakers & Game-Changers: Who know their audience deserves more than generic, boring copy.
  • Copy Badasses: Ready to take your skills to the next level.
  • Humans, Not Robots: AI is cool, but let’s be real—it can’t replicate the deep human connection that makes wallets open.
  • WRITE LIKE A BOSS: Tap into the exact language your audience craves.
  • CONNECT DEEPER: Craft copy that speaks straight to the heart (and the wallet).
  • MAKE BANK: Convert casual visitors into raving customers effortlessly.
  • Money Blocks? Gone. Unlock your earning potential with copy that commands cash.
  • The Only Pitch You’ll Ever Need: Pitch perfect, every time—without the sleaze.
  • AI Prompts That Print Money: Turn AI outputs into pure gold.

Let’s make your copy a converting, catalyzing, connecting machine. 

No fluff, just results.
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Copy magic used by

Copywriting Portfolio

Proof I Can Sling Sentences Together That Are Confetti Cannons of Joy (and Make You $$$)

You want words that pop, crackle, and convert? You’re in the right place. Here’s a peek at some rebellious brands, misfits, and magical humans whose copy I’ve sprinkled with fairy dust.

kady logo

Kady Romanguolo: Business Coach, Realtor, Speaker, Author & Moon Magic School Creator

Crafting copy that blends spirituality with savvy business advice for magical, money-making results.
Mike Shoreman: Speaker, Author, Mental Health Champion

Mike Shoreman: Speaker, Author, Mental Health Champion

Uplifting stories and mental health advocacy wrapped in words that captivate and empower.
Riana Malia: Divorce Coach

Riana Malia: Divorce Coach

Supporting women through life's toughest transitions with words that heal and inspire.
moxypatch

MoxyPatch: Bladder Leak Protection for Active Women

Empowering women to live leak-free with a splash of humor and a dose of confidence.

Sante Bespoke: Curated Supplements for Wellness

Tailored supplements that elevate your wellness journey, delivered with personalized care and copy that nourishes the mind and body.
My passion project and mission - to reflect the heart and soul of an animal sanctuary providing a paradise for rescued animals.

PASH: Animal Sanctuary Fiji

My passion project and mission - to reflect the heart and soul of an animal sanctuary providing a paradise for rescued animals.
tribute

Tribute.io: Video Tributes Made Simple

Honoring loved ones with easy-to-create, heartfelt video tributes, made unforgettable with thoughtful copy.
124 on Queen

124 on Queen: Niagara-on-the-Lake’s Premiere Venue

The perfect blend of elegance and charm, wrapped up in words that attract the sophisticated traveler.
Leading to Thrive

Leading to Thrive: Leadership Coaching with Amy Tuccio

Empowering leaders to unlock their full potential through transformative coaching that fosters growth, resilience, and thriving teams.
Glow Travel: Elite Travel Designers

Glow Travel: Elite Travel Designers

Where bespoke luxury travel meets visionary wanderlust, powered by captivating copy.